Yesterday, University of Kentucky's star basketball player, John Wall, was the #1 NBA draft pick and he's coming to Washington.   So it was no surprise that a feature article in the Washington Post's sport section on Sunday was all about John Wall and his rise to success.  The main focus of the article was about John's relationship with his father, who died when he was just 8 years old.  What should have been an article about strength and post-traumatic growth, was one of meanness.  Washington Post reporter Eric Prisbell was extremely insensitive and cruel in his effort to destroy the pride John Wall feels about his deceased father.  You see, John's father was in prison for 30 years and Mr. Prisbell cannot understand why any child would revere a parent who spent most of his life in jail.  So it was not enough for this reporter to accept that John loves his father, even though, as John puts it, "well, because for one thing, that's my Dad."  So Mr. Prisbell decides to ask John, while sitting on the bleachers during a practice,  if John is aware that his father was not only in jail for robbery, but that he was also convicted of a murder.  Reading John's words, "Ohhhh.  Oh, I didn't even know, I didn't know," made me furious.  But John obviously recomposed and responded to this reporter with the words of a child who experienced the death of a parent, "He brought me onto this earth and like everbody, makes mistakes.  Everyone is not going to be perfect...Like I said, he was there for me." 

John Wall, your father gave us You; a star.  He must have been a really good person deep inside and that goodness is forever living on in you.  Welcome to Washington.  

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I realized Father's Day is Sunday when I saw a banner that hung high over the construction site of the 9/ll Memorial at Ground Zero.   It read, "Remember Father's Day". 

I suddenly realized that we celebrate holidays by wishing each other happiness, "Happy Birthday, Happy New Year, Happy Mother's Day, Happy Father's Day.  But what about those of us who are just remembering?  While remembrance can be a celebration too, I think that the person who put up this banner, really understood the meaning of Father's Day for those of us whose father has died. 

EVERY person has a father, but not every person's father is living.  So to those of you whose father isn't here to share a cookout or a phone call, I want to wish you a "Remember Father's Day".   

Here's a nice article on how comedian Steve Harvey "remembered" Father's Day.

P.S.  You can see the banner on our Life Shines On Facebook fan page:  

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I received this photo from a friend today; she thought it would make me smile.  It did.  I hope enjoy it too.

Why boys need parents…

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I was really happy to see the article on early loss in the Wall Street Journal last week.  Awareness that there are children who have lost a parent and need support is so important.  I agree with the author that teachers, clergy, and physicians should have a better understanding of children who are grieving

But, while the statistics of depression and suicide are critical so is the acknowledgment of how a traumatic event can change a child’s world-view in a positive way.

Researchers Tedeschi and Calhoun (2004) have been looking at how a highly stressful event can result in a positive psychological change. The person is able to construe the benefits of a traumatic experience.  I found this to be true in my study of the young adults who were teens when their parent died on 9/ll.  Because of their experience in losing a parent in such a traumatic way, many had a much more empathic view of the world.  Most of them are choosing careers that have a purpose; a vocation.  I try to always remember, every situation has weaknesses and strengths.  Let’s not forget the strengths!

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This morning, the news was dominated by the announcement of Prince William's engagement to his long-time girlfriend, Kate Middleton.  It was almost 30 years ago, but I can still remember getting up at 5am to watch the live broadcast of Lady Diana Spencer marrying Prince Charles.  It was 1981 and we were all mesmerized by the fairytale wedding of the pretty, shy, young girl marrying her prince.  Kate will be marrying her Prince, but we can't help but remember the groom's mother and how proud she would be of her son.    

Princess Diana's death was tragic; too young, too soon, and two young sons.  Anticipation of another royal wedding is exciting; but, for me, I see this wedding as having a little sadness.  This is a young man who lost his mother when he was still a teenager.  She won’t be sitting in the church as the “mother of the groom”.  How will he honor her on this important day?  I think he honors her everyday by who he has become as a man.

How do we honor our parent when they aren’t on earth to share this moment?  Please join the discussion “How to Honor Your Parent on Your Wedding Day” on Life Shines On facebook fan page and share your stories.

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