Making Meaning of September 11th
The world-view of the children who lost their parent in the World Trade Center
On September 11, 2001, the world watched in horror as terrorists flew commercial airplanes into the World Trade Center, murdering the parents of thousands of children. That morning was traumatic and shocking for all of America, but it was especially tragic for the adolescents whose parent went to work that day, never to come home again. Losing a parent during adolescence is particularly difficult because of the nature of this developmental stage; a phase of life when young people are individuating from parents and shaping their own views of the world. But the adolescents who lost a parent on September 11th also experienced what it is like to have a parent murdered in a national terrorist attack of which the entire world witnessed. Friends, their community and the entire nation viewed their grief during the weeks and months following the attacks. While everyone in America was impacted by this event, these adolescents were some of those who suffered the most.
Since that day almost seven years have passed and now these adolescents are young adults. As a clinician specializing in grief and loss and having lost my father when I was 13, I wanted to explore the world-view of these young people. So much research is on the pathologies that result from a traumatic loss and yet there are many adolescents who lost a parent in a tragedy and continue on to be very successful in life. This is certainly true of Abraham Lincoln, Bill Clinton, Eleanor Roosevelt, Arthur Ashe, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Paul McCartney, and Caroline Kennedy. All of these individuals suffered the death of a parent during their childhood. I believe they were able to find meaning from losing a parent too soon.
Therefore, I decided for my dissertation requirement for my PhD in social work, to explore the world-view of the young adults who lost a parent as an adolescent on September 11th. Using the definition of world-view as presented in Spiral Dynamics Theory (Beck & Cowan, 2006), I interviewed, in person, 16 young adults asking questions pertaining to the following four areas: (a) their perception of the impact of the event, (b) their personal values, (c) their spiritual beliefs, and (d) a purpose in life. Through their narratives these young people told of how losing a parent in this national tragedy shaped who they are today. These young people spoke with candor and emotion about losing their parent in such a horrific event. They share stories about their relationship with their friends, the closeness of their family, their spiritual beliefs, and their hopes for the future.
These young adults have been referred to as the 9/11 generation. They are the center of one of the most defining moments in American history. From their stories it is evident that not only can one successfully move on in life after losing a parent in such a horrific national tragedy, but that it is possible to make meaning and find a purpose in life. Their making of meaning is not in spite of the loss, but because of the loss.
These young adults are handling losing a parent in a worldwide known tragedy with maturity and grace. I found each individual’s story to have a great impact on me in that for one to two hours they shared their most intimate thoughts on a very personal and painful time and yet they spoke with optimism. I had the honor of learning how the generation of September 11 made meaning of their loss.
From these interviews, the following three major themes emerged: (1) change in the relationship with peers, (2) occurrence of a spiritual event, and (3) choice of a career as a vocation. In seeking the world-view of the participants, I asked about how losing a parent in the attacks may have influenced their purpose in life. I primarily asked questions pertaining to the future, such as, “Where do you think you will be in 10 years?” The other question I asked of these participants regarding a purpose in life was, “Do you think you have a purpose in life?” The theme to emerge from these questions was a career choice as a vocation. Here are just a few of the narratives pertaining to this theme. All the names identifying the narratives are fictional.
Theme 3: Choice of Career as a Vocation
DIANE
Father was on one of the planes that flew into the World Trade Center. Diane was 16 years old when her father died.
There was either two ways I could go: just sort of fall apart or I could really become something. My dad was very successful in life, and a very motivated person. He used to help me with my homework. The other way I could see it going was … or I could be just unbelievably successful and show people that this isn’t going to stop me and that my dad’s legacy is going to be through me and my sister and we’re all going to be successful people and work hard and not let this take a toll on us forever. Because in my mind the terrorist had already killed my father, and if I let them ruin me too then they won again. And you know, if my sisters couldn’t make it through, they won again and every person that broke down because of it and didn’t move on from their life, that was another victim... so I wanted to just really make something of myself.
ANN
Mother worked in the World Trade Center. Ann was 16 years old when her mother died.
“I think it definitely encouraged me to try to make a difference.” Ann did an internship at a school for behaviorally challenged children and said that she “loved” it. The children she worked with tended to be violent, and as part of the internship, she was trained to restrain these children. Ann described her experience with a 10-year-old boy who weighed over 200 pounds and was someone the others feared.
This was her story of working with this young boy:
“A lot of times the other people would get frustrated, and they would just yell and be kind of harsh and like, ‘You need to do this, you need to do that, we can’t help you until you settle down.’ Like blah, blah. I kind of went and started talking softly so he had to quiet down, so he would hear me and then, you know he would just ignore me for a while, but then I would just sit there and poke and say little questions and he wouldn’t answer. I would be like ‘why are you so sad’ and he wouldn’t answer, and I’m like, ‘well you know sometimes I get mad and I just talk.’ I just start talking and then slowly he’d stop crying and he’d stop yelling and then, I don’t know I just kind of took my time with it. A lot of people are in a rush, and you know it’s their job to get paid, and get them calmed down, but I think it’s better if …we’re there to help.”
JILL
Father died in the World Trade Center. She was 15 years old when her father died.
I’ve had really great teachers, and for a while I was always like, ‘I don’t want to be a teacher’...’ At my college they really discourage you from being teachers because they think that you are too smart for that. You should be doing something else (teachers aren’t really smart), and I’ve had teachers that aren’t smart. And I know some of my friends who are teachers who aren’t smart, and it really upsets me because I feel like ‘do you want dumb people teaching your kids?’ You know, you really don’t want a stupid person teaching your children. It’s really scary.
KELLY
Father was a firefighter who died in the World Trade Center. She was 16 years old when her father died.
“I definitely want to help people. And I’ve always wanted to help kids, and I did an internship with probations with juveniles first and it just…it would be nice to help them. But I just feel like it’s the family structure that just sends these kids completely - like I don’t know, like doing all these criminal activities because most of them had parents that just weren’t home, didn’t care, did illegal activities in front of them. So I kind of wanted to shift that into trying to prevent crimes, rather than trying to help them after it happened.”
MOLLY
Father was a firefighter who died in the World Trade Center. She was 14 when her father died.
“I want to help children and be the intervention part of it. In my major (Human Development and Family Science), they are all about prevention, prevention, prevention. Teaching kids about STD’s and pregnancies and stuff like that….You can’t prevent big tragedies like this, so there has to be something like intervention on that side for your normal everyday person. So, I would say that that’s something I’m passionate about. That’s something I feel God (I feel so cheesy, I’m sorry), but God has instilled in me. When I talk about it, I get excited; I’m really interested in learning more about it, and just hearing different people’s views. So that passion didn’t come from…me just being, ‘Hey, one day this is what I want to do.’ But because of what happened to me, and then because God’s been using [me], I feel that’s the reason; like that’s my purpose.”
